How to Help

I mentioned last week that our youngest had been in the hospital in February, and then again last week, only last week was out-patient. When our son was 4 months, and then 5 months, he was admitted to the hospital for bronchiolitis and RSV. I don't ever want to have to be in the hospital again with my children, but since I can't control much that happens in life it's a possibility. Also, while there this last time I was thinking about how others can help the family while someone is in the hospital. These are a few of the things I came up with. You might think of other things (and if so, please add them to the comments!). Here's what I came up with for ways to help a family if one of their kids is in the hospital.

1. Pray for them. I know this might seem like a cop-out, or something you only do "when nothing else can be done." Let me tell you, prayer changes things. Pray for strength as the parents see their child hooked up to machines or IV. Pray the child will be calm while being in a strange place. Pray that the parents will get some sleep while at the hospital. There are numerous things to pray about. It's OK to ask the parents for specific prayer requests, and when some are given, don't question, just pray. 

2. Provide babysitting help. We are fortunate to have my parents and my mother-in-law close enough that they were both able to help out with our other 2 kids. However, that is not the case for everyone. If you know this is the case for your friend, offer to take her kids. And, let them know the kids are welcomed and can stay as long as needed. There's enough worrying being done about the child in the hospital. Knowing your other children are being well-cared for and not a nuisance to someone else is HUGE! 

3. Ask if you can come visit. Or, just come with out asking. Most parents are probably like me, I will not leave the room unless my husband is there with me. He couldn't be there the whole time so I was stuck in the room. If you're able, go and visit your friend. Offer to stay in the room so she can go pee (there aren't always bathrooms in the room), or take a shower, take a walk, get a coffee, a meal, whatever she may need (and I say "she" because usually it's Mom who's at the hospital the most). And, while you're there, just listen. Or, provide comic relief, or a shoulder to cry on. Whatever you feel your friend needs at that moment. 

4. Ask where to get food and bring it to your friend. If you're like me, there's not much you CAN eat at the hospital. If you CAN eat anything you want, hospital food still isn't the greatest. Ask where your friend would like you to get her a meal to bring to her. Chances are she's not eating like she should. If your friend loves chocolate, or something else (coffee, etc), just bring it with out asking. She'll be so thankful and won't realize until she sees it that she needed/wanted it! 

5. What can I bring/do for you? Sometimes you don't have the opportunity to pack or gather things to take to the hospital. You might just be throwing stuff together and realize when you arrive you've forgotten your chapstick and your lips are so dry they just might fall off! So, ask your friend, "what can I bring for you? Do you need chapstick? A hairbrush? Your contact solution?" Go to her house, get it and bring it to her. A box of GOOD Kleenex is nice too! I cried at least once, really well, when my 2 were in the hospital and hospital tissues are about useless for catching snot and GREAT at rubbing your nose raw. You might have to be specific in asking your friend, and I think that's OK. 

6. Offer to stay a night or two when they come home. This last time with Rebekah my sister offered to stay for 2 nights when we got home. My MIL had to go back to her home and I wasn't sure what we were going to do. I can not tell you how thankful I was to have my sister there at night. A) she's a night person so getting up in the middle of the night isn't as huge a deal to her as it is to me and my husband! B) it was so helpful to have an extra pair of arms to deal with our baby, who was hyped up on steroids, antibiotics and getting rid of everything else they had given her in the hospital. It was so helpful to know that I didn't have to jump out of bed if Rebekah started to cry. They say patients don't sleep much in hospitals. Well, neither do the parents! When we came home I felt like I had just given birth and were home with a newborn. That's how tired I was. 

There are so many ways to help a parent/family out when they have a child in the hospital. Of course, needs will be different for each family. As their friend you know them best. Don't be afraid to ask and don't be afraid to help. It will be more appreciated then you know! What else would you add to my list?